October 22, 2015

I hate this computer screen and I love it. It is after midnight and my thoughts begin to warp. I just watched 200 Motels by Frank Zappa at the recommendation of a friend I ran into tonight. At first, I was irritated with this movie. It was bizarre including many seemingly unrelated scenes flashing and mixing in an attempt to create humor out of psychedelic experiences. I consider my time valuable (as I do yours. Thank you for reading this). I asked the universe why I was spending my time alone sitting in this nearly empty movie theater late at night when I could be resting or doing something productive and worthy.

My answer came soon after I asked. Why not? I relaxed and allowed whatever thoughts and emotions emerged. It seemed like an evil influence to distract and confuse me with meaningless chaos. To question what is going on here in the movie signifies the mystery of life. What is good and what is evil is interwoven in the fabric of our existence. When we try to hold on to one and push away the other, we can still end up turned around. The band members in the movie did ridiculously stupid things. They sang meaningless songs, stayed in plastic hotel rooms, ate junk food, drank, did drugs, and had sex with prostitutes and groupies. They incited overall havoc, yet it was portrayed innocently with lightness and humor. What else are you going to do when you are a creative, lonely artist on the road? We have financial, social and sexual needs. We do stupid things to get those needs met, sometimes. Hopefully, we learn something along the way.

In the end, the movie was quite an artistic feat. One of the final lines was we need to laugh in this heavy world in which we live. This was the theme in one of the personal growth groups I was leading. Members revealed how they forgot to have fun and take life lightly once they experienced extreme hardship. I could relate. The movie was medicine from the universe for me. Although, I didn’t love it, it was helpful. We humans are meaning-making machines, they say in personal growth workshops. Even if I don’t create meaning out of the movie is just as well. I’m here, alive, breathing and having an experience.